The Books That Help founder shares how stories can open conversations and help children feel safe and understood
Children don’t always have the language—or the calm—to explain what’s happening inside. For Clare Helen Welsh, a children’s author, former primary teacher, and founder of Books That Help, stories offer a kinder way in: a little distance, a character to talk about, and words children can “borrow” until they’re ready to use their own.
Clare has written more than 70 books, many tackling real-life themes such as illness, divorce, dementia and change, helping children feel comforted and understood. She’s also neurodivergent, and says her brain works a little differently, something many families may recognise.
Here, she shares early signs adults often misinterpret, how to respond when children shut down, and why connection matters more than quick fixes.
What are the early signs a child is struggling emotionally, especially those adults misread as “behaviour”?
One of the most common ‘misread’ behaviours is defiance. Meltdowns, shouting, and anger from nowhere can indicate a child is dysregulated. If it feels sudden, they may have been struggling quietly for too long.
Withdrawal is another big one, especially among older children and teens who stop joining in. If simple things feel exhausting, they might be carrying a heavy emotional load.
Difficulty separating from a caregiver can also be misread. It’s normal to feel anxious at first, but if it persists or worsens, it could indicate stress. Often, the first signs are physical: chewing sleeves, headaches, tummy aches.
I find it useful to think of all behaviour as communication, asking, “What is a child trying to tell us?” rather than “How do we stop their behaviour?”
When a child won’t talk (“I’m fine”), how can parents open the door without pushing?
This is hard, and I sympathise. It can mean children don’t feel ready or skilled enough to talk. Sometimes they don’t even understand their feelings. If a child feels unsafe or scared, additional pressure can make it worse; low pressure helps.
Children often talk more freely when they’re not being directly looked at—the car, a walk, painting, playing a game. Speaking indirectly can work better than direct questioning. Talking about a story character’s struggles is often easier than talking about their own, because the problems are externalised.
And sometimes the most useful thing is not to ‘open the door’ at all. Sitting together, offering a drink, a blanket, a favourite programme, a drive… connection can be more valuable than trying to fix things. When a child feels safe and calm, the words come.
How do stories help children find language for big feelings?
A book character’s feelings can be safer to explore because they’re at a distance. A child might not say “I feel anxious,” but they can point and say, “He looks worried.” I’ve seen children borrow words straight from stories—an emotional shortcut until they have the vocabulary themselves.
Some stories slow us down to notice and name emotions in a non-threatening way. When a child feels validated and understood, the words often appear.
What does a “good” mental-health conversation at home look like?
If a child shares something, it’s ideal to respond with kindness and acceptance, even if you feel alarmed. Gently name the feeling (“that sounds lonely/hard”) and respond warmly: “thank you for telling me.” If they change the subject, try not to push it.
These conversations often happen in ordinary moments—making tea, driving, playing a game—when a child feels some control. Follow their lead if you can.
What if a book triggers tears, anger, or silliness?
Stay calm and attuned. If we shut things down, children may think that their feelings are wrong or too much. Name what you see: “That part felt really sad”, but avoid “Why are you upset?” Trust it will come up again when they’re ready.
What mistakes do well-meaning parents make, and what helps more?
The hardest moments are when a child and a parent are triggered at the same time. If possible, stay calm. Caregivers need to invest in their own wellbeing: What fills your cup? Who understands?
I’ve also learned not to discuss behaviour too soon. Respond to emotion first, then discuss behaviour later once the nervous system has settled. Be active, not reactive.
And it is OK to cry. If you lose your temper, model repair: “I’m sorry I shouted. I was feeling overwhelmed.” Ultimately, children need to know their feelings are welcome.
How can parents choose the right book for what their child is facing?
Books That Help reviews books by category for this purpose. I’d recommend reading the book yourself first, so you’re not surprised by questions or emotions.
Books can’t work miracles, but they can open doors, mirror feelings, and provide a safe space to explore difficult topics. Shared reading also offers a quiet, mindful pause; it slows everything down to foster connection and co-regulation.
What first sparked your decision to write these kinds of books?
I initially wrote to process serious illness, uncertainty and loss. The Perfect Shelter is about cancer, Everything Changes about divorce, The Tide about dementia, and The Space Between about change.
Writing helped me work out how I felt and have calm, confident conversations with my family. Teaching showed me how powerful stories are for families navigating ups and downs, and that’s when I fell in love with what stories can do.
Practical tips for parents
- Reframe behaviour: Ask “What is a child trying to tell us?” rather than “How do we stop this?”
- Go low-pressure: Side-by-side moments work best—car chats, walks, drawing.
- Use books to externalise feelings: Talk about a character first; it can feel safer than talking about “me”.
- Don’t rush to fix: Sometimes connection beats questions; sit together, offer comfort, co-regulate.
- If big feelings come up: Stay grounded; name what you notice (“That felt sad”), avoid “Why are you upset?”
- Emotion first, behaviour later: Wait for the nervous system to settle; be active, not reactive.
- Model being human: It’s OK to cry; if you lose your temper, apologise plainly and warmly.
- Read the book first: It helps you anticipate questions and supports a calmer read-aloud.
For further information see:clarehelenwelsh.com. Clare’s new book, The Space Between, is available at Bookworm Dubai
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